


Joey Drew Studios Notice Board

by KyeAbove



Category: Bendy and the Ink Machine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous Humanity, Crack, Crimes & Criminals, Dark Comedy, Dark Crack, Discussed Intern Deaths, Fear Grant Cohen, Gen, Harm To Interns, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Violence, Johnny Lawrence is dead sexy in a mini-skirt, Johnny Lawrence is now just dead, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Nudity as Comedy, Organ Reposession, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Humor, Swearing, Two Wallys For The Price Of One, Walter Lawrence Is Still A Dumb Idiot Child, When I Find The Tags To Describe This Mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 15,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeAbove/pseuds/KyeAbove
Summary: A look into the ever growing madness of the employees of Joey Drew Studios, as told through their written musings, demands, and other nonsense on a cork board.





	1. Part 1

Friendly Tip! If you bring Sammy coffee before delivering bad news -say, you might have lost your keys in his trashcan again- your chances of receiving a complimentary insult are much lower then they are if you show up without coffee.

_It had been Wally’s coffee to start, but Sammy had snagged it and downed it in two seconds flat, and had actually thanked Wally for being so thoughtful._

-

Whoever gave Wally coffee is getting a mark on their record.

  * He is practically a child.
  * Only adults get coffee.
  * No coffee for Wally.
  * I'm seventeen.
  * A child.



-

Joey is fired.

_Once Norman had reported to Henry that he’d seen Joey hand the cup of coffee to Wally this notice was up immediately._

-

Joey is not planning to start a cult and sacrifice us all to the gods, and any thoughts of such will be kindly put down.

_This notice was written by Henry, and Wally told Norman that he’d seen Henry conducting a book burning in the park. Wally also claimed that Henry had been humming the tune for Sammy’s newest in-house favorite “What I Wouldn’t Do To Not Work For Joey Drew” while tossing the books into the fire._

-

While we have no idea why those crazy Lawrence brothers hate that pipe organ, playing it because one of them has crossed the line _again_ is not a good idea. Even if anyone had a clue why it offends them, it would still not be a good idea.

  * I’m charging more for this job simply because of the axe in the wall and all the blood.
  * Grant’s gonna faint.



_Norman posted this after Wally came complaining to him about his failure to get the blood out of the floor and walls. Thomas thought the scene was just too much, and Grant did in fact faint when he got the bill._

-

Any day Sammy shows up to work drunk, assume it will be a good day.

_Sammy was an affectionate drunk, thank the gods, even though him showing up drunk usually meant Joey was going to get jumped and assaulted the next day._

-

Any day Henry shows up to work drunk, run, and hide for your life.

_When Thomas showed up at the studio to drop off his bill for the repair work, he eventually found every single employee that wasn’t Henry huddled in the pub, with Grant promising overtime pay for anyone who turned in any work that day._

_-_

I thought it’d be obvious by now, but janitor closets aren’t designated make out spots. Ya dig?

  * I’m disappointed in all of you.
  * Not going to name names, Wally?
  * They know who they are.



-

Joey is the best boss I could have and he pays well.

  * Nice try Joey.



-

Whoever started the rumors about Henry and the axe, _why?_

-

Sammy. Stop writing on the walls in ink!

  * Maybe we should cut off his fingers?
  * Joey please. no.



_Wally posted this after the fifth incident. Joey was banned from being around sharp objects again._

-

Wars between departments must now be approved by Henry before they can take place.

-

Look. You made the choice to flirt with Sammy’s sister. You get to deal with the consequences.

_They lost a lot of interns this way. Not as many as Grant could go through, but certainly a lot._

-

“Bitches get stitches” is not an appropriate response when Grant says you can’t afford a gold plated desk.

  * Joey is also no longer allowed a sewing kit during office hours.



-

Joey is not allowed to do anything. Period.


	2. Part 2

I’d sell my soul for bacon soup.

  * Well then, Sammy, do I have great news for you!



-

Joey. You’re not starting a bacon soup cult just because I burned all your other cult books.

  * But I want to. I don’t need your permission.
  * Yes you do.



-

When in Joey Drew Studios, do as the crazies do.

  * Unless there’s somehow cops around.
  * Then we lie.
  * In wait.



-

Hey pals, I lost my keys again, but they weren't in Sammy’s trash. Could you look out for them?

-

Wally. Stop saving my trash, and I’ll stop writing on the walls in ink.

-

Did you know Sammy doodles on company time? Look, I even have the proof!

  * Is that Henry?
  * I'd recognize that look of disappointment anywhere. Otherwise I'd be at a loss because the Henry I know and love has curly-ish hair and some freckles and occasionally glasses.
  * It's not very good.
  * It might just be the attempt at his coat and sweater making the legs look so short. For that matter, Henry's coat is actually longer and his sweater is shorter. Not the same length. Sammy didn't even try to draw a turtleneck.
  * What even is going on with that coat?
  * We're not going to talk about the other things? 
  * Nope. They mean nothing. 



-

I think we all learned a lesson on how far Wally Franks will go to piss off Sammy.

-

Lost: Wally Franks.

If found return to Henry.

  * Dead or alive?
  * Preferably alive.
  * He’ll be dead when I find him.



-

Murder is not permitted on company time.

  * You’re one to talk, Henry.



-

The funeral for the Bendy cutout that Henry murdered will be held at lunch. Food will be provided but it would also be wise to bring your own.

  * It’s grinning face will be greatly missed.
  * Gone too soon!
  * Such a cruel world we live in.
  * What did it do to drunk Henry to deserve such a fate?
  * You people had a hundred of those fuckers. Why are you so upset by the loss of just one?
  * It means we now only have 99.



-

I have ninety-nine problems and Joey is all of them.

-

The sound department is requesting permission to declare war on the animation department. Approval?

  * And what would this be over?
  * Being a bunch of ***Words crossed out with ink***
  * **Denied.**



-

“Bitches get stitches” is also not the appropriate response when Grant says you can’t afford a solid gold desk.

-

We all agree to lie about Wally during the upcoming inspection, right?

  * What are you talking about? Henry didn’t sneak him into the workforce and lie about his identity for all these years.
  * Because that would be bad.
  * Exactly.
  * No one at Joey Drew Studios has ever committed a crime.



-

I didn’t start the fire.

  * There were thirty witnesses, Henry, and they all said it was awesome as hell.
  * This studio is made of wood. Please no fire.
  * Why do you think I bought so many axes?



-

Henry is no longer allowed the following things:

   - Axes

   - Anything that can start a fire

_“Well, I guess I’ll have to settle for the plunger.”_

-

Joey is no longer allowed the following thing:

   - Henry

-

Henry, I have to ask. Why is that a punishment? What, are you planning to take off for a few decades or something?

-

Has anyone seen Henry?

-

Henry’s been missing for five hours and counting, and Joey is already a lost cause.

-

How often do people got missing here, anyways?

  * Daily or weekly?
  * Found or not found?



-

I found Henry. But I’ll only reveal his location for bacon soup or Wally’s location.

  * I have fifty dollars. Is that enough?
  * No. I have higher standards than that. Plus, you probably need that money for your knee surgery. 
  * If either of us is constantly on his knees, it’s you, Lawrence.
  * Ooo, self burn. I get some more than you. I almost pity you, Joey.
  * I’ll take that fifty dollars if you don't want to!
  * If Wally is able to stick notes onto the board, and not be seen, he is near.



-

Affirming Wally’s claim, he showed up at my office with coffee and I decided he could live. For now.

-

Joey is fired again.

  * And there’s Henry.
  * Henry please come back to me.



-

Would the owner of a tall man with curly brown hair, almost unnatural green eyes, and sanity problems, answers to the name Joey, please come claim him? He’s muttering about an Ink Machine and I don’t think he’s talking about our new printer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sammy's doodles.](https://kyeabove.tumblr.com/post/173367772695)


	3. Part 3

From this point forward, any talk about an Ink Machine better be about the printer.

  * **ℍℇ₦℟Ỷ ḓộℵ₮ ℬℇ ᾷ Ḃΐ₮₡ℌ**



-

Lost: My dreams.

Last seen being crushed by a heartless piece of shit.

-

Hey, does anyone know the name of that new voice actress Joey hired? The only with a self-described angelic voice? _Someone_ has a crush.

_Wally later found that this question was torn down._

-

Wouldn’t living cartoons be amazing? To talk to our creations, see them walk, and breath as we do? It would be wonderful. If you support this dream, have I got an idea for you!

-

Duct tape can fix anything. Even chatty idealistic business partners.

_Joey was later found duct taped to a wall. Joey was too impressed to even be mad._

-

Why can’t Sammy settle his differences with the animators over their shared love of drawing?

  * Because like the sound department said, they’re a bunch of ***blotted out with ink***
  * And you’re not one?



-

The pipe organ room door is off its hinges and the pipe organ is in pieces. Gee, I wonder who the culprits are.

-

Save Thomas Conner.

  * Why?
  * I witnessed him close to tears, muttering to himself, as he looked over Henry’s latest work. Then Grant lead him to the pipe organ room and he actually started sobbing.
  * SAVE HIM.



-

Joey Drew Studios. Where we have to specify ‘pipe organ room’ because there’s most likely an ‘organ room’ with a much different purpose.

  * Well, we have to pay for Joey’s madness somehow, right?
  * Henry what do you know.
  * All.



-

Mister Bendtsen is just as bad as Mister Drew. Why are you all ignoring this?!

  * Ah, interns. They’re so innocent.



-

If it’s related to a Lawrence, it is not harmless.

_Someone got it in their head to baby one of the Lawrence brothers’ nieces when she and her mother stopped by for a quick visit. After there was a bite that drew blood, Johnny posted this as a reminder._

-

I can name only one intern I like and that’s Shawn Flynn. The rest can burn.

  * Amen to that.
  * He _understands._
  * Shawn found my keys. Truly, he is best pal.
  * He repaired the washroom sink with nothing but faith and a pipe wrench.
  * I hear he lost his eye while fighting a unicorn!



-

Even though you don’t like the interns, at least remember they’re the secret heroes here.

_A crowd would briefly gather at the cork board, and laugh madly until Grant came and chased them away._

-

I regret to inform you all that Thomas won’t be doing work for us again for some time. He’s going to go on a long fishing trip and reconsider his life choices. He fears he’s lost his head.

-

How do you forget where the stairs are?

-

With Grant in the hospital, who will manage our finances?

  * No one! Papa’s gonna get himself an Ink Machine and a solid gold desk, and no one can say no!
  * No.
  * I think Joey forgot about Henry.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone loves Shawn. Most of them don't seee him romantically, but everyone loves him.


	4. Part 4

Whoever put all those paper planes in the trees outside, _why?_

  * Well, obviously they flew in for a family reunion.



-

Why do we still ask _why_ around here?

  * I think it’s because it’s amusing to pretend we’re shocked.



-

I’d pay a month’s wage to see Joey get shocked. By lightning.

-

We all dream. Dreaming is all we can do. Joey probably won’t get struck with lightning, and Henry won’t stop stealing our fire axes. Which we have to buy because of him.

-

I think I’d marry an axe if I could.

  * Henry, aren’t you already married? I distinctly remember having a fit at your wedding.
  * shit.



-

The bad news is that I was married, and I completely forgot about my wife, and she left me sometime in these last few years. The good news is that I just found the divorce papers! Now signed and ready to go. My axes and I can be happy together now.

  * Were you born this crazy or did all these years with Joey drive you mad?



-

Hello! I’m Susie Campbell. I’m new here, and I’d really like to understand things better. Any tips?

  * Go with the flow, and you should be fine!
  * Familiarize yourself with the people here. It’ll make it easier on everyone.
  * Especially familiarize yourself with the music director, Sammy Lawrence, since you’re a singer, right? Voice of an angel? He’d be writing your music!
  * Wally. Fuck off.
  * Oh, does this unsettle you Sam-Sam?
  * Johnny. Fuck off.



-

Everyone. Fuck off.

-

Joey really liked my interpretation of Boris’s voice! He said that he wants me to be Boris in the future!

  * Yes. I thought he was perfect!
  * Congratulations Wally!



- **  
** To all those who missed the orchestra's brilliant rendering of “What I Wouldn’t Do To Not Work For Joey Drew.” while Sammy and Norman sang the main vocals, and the voice actors sang back up, you missed something that brought me to tears with how beautiful it was.

  * Shawn. Did you see how much Sammy blushed when that Susie lady leaned down and kissed him on the cheek?
  * That was one of the best parts.
  * The very best part was when Sammy ran back to his office screaming “Belladona!” over and over.
  * Why would he say that? Is he insulting me?
  * Johnny Lawrence here. I have many years of understanding Sammy logic under my belt. I think you spooked him. But I also think he’s meaning you’re a deadly, beautiful woman.
  * That’s sweet! I like it.



-

Sammy. I ‘found’ more of your drawings. Either replace my mop that you broke or they find their inspiration.

_Sammy did buy the new mop, and although he did throw it at Wally’s face, Wally considered it a win._

-

JOSEPHINE ANDREWS

  * Yes?
  * Your name is really Josephine. But during the streaking incident last week we saw your Joey. Explain.
  * I have eight older sisters and no brothers. My parents didn’t want me to feel left out!
  * That’s fair.



-

I have decided to start a Henry cult. We’ll burn things for fun. There will also be axes.

  * Now this is a cult I can allow.



-

On top of starting the cult, the art department is looking to declare war on the sound department and Sammy for calling us a bunch of goshdarn ninnies. Approval?

  * If we went to war every time someone annoyed us, I would have burnt down the studio years ago. So no.
  * (┛ಠ_ಠ)┛



-

Wally. Reveal your secrets. Who have you caught making out in the closets?

-

I did catch Grant and a perfectly balanced budget book together once, but I’m saving the rest for a rainy day.

  * Wally. Don’t you think it’s cruel to hold this over people’s heads?
  * Henry. Half the time its you in there, and it’s never with the same person. That’s the only reason you care.



-

How many people has Henry cheated on me with?!

  * Joey we’re not together.
  * That’s what you think.
  * If you want Joey off your back, I could always say which Lawrence brother I caught you with two weeks ago.
  * ☺
  * On second thought, Henry, maybe we should see other people.



_Joey would never admit it, but the Lawrence brothers scared him just as much as they scared almost everyone else. Later, Joey would be found trying to sweet talk a drawing he’d made of Henry._

-

So who’s going to repair all the shit everyone broke before the inspection?

  * Shawn Flynn will no longer be an unpaid intern. He’s also allowed to keep his profitable organs.



_It took Shawn all of two hours to repair every bit of destruction, fix locks, and better hide trap doors to less than legal businesses._


	5. Part 5

If you weren’t here for the inspection, thank you. You would have only made it worse.

  * Details?
  * Well, the inspector kept hitting on me, and the pub is now flooded with ink. That’s just to start.
  * Amazing. But not surprising.
  * I know how to drain the pub. But it means I have to build my Ink Machine.
  * I’d rather drown.



-

Joey is fired because he keeps breaking the goddamned rules.

  * For once, Henry, can you draw up the papers and not just say it? And put anti-Joey alarms everywhere.
  * Now there’s an idea.



-

HENRY is fired.

  * No I’m not. Nice try Joey.
  * But I’m the boss! I’m Joey Drew! My name is on the building.
  * No, you’re Josephine Andrews. You just happen to go by Joey Drew.
  * Damn. You got me there. You’re not fired.



-

They could both wander off to each others work stations, and they'd both rather use the cork board when they want to speak nonsense to each other.

  * Their verbal conversations can be even worse.
  * Sometimes I swear I hear actual logic, but that might just be wishful thinking.



-

I do NOT have a ‘cute’ singing voice.

  * Sheep sheep it’s time for sleep.
  * Fuck off!
  * Fuck on.
  * It’s not working. I can’t turn on my fucks. So I have no fucks to give.



-  
I don’t care that we'll be cleaning up glitter for years to come! Seeing Joey glitter bomb himself was worth it.  
-

I just walked into Sammy’s office and he’s wearing a summer dress under his flowery coat. Maybe that’s why he got hit on.

  * Screw you all.
  * Johnny’s wearing a mini skirt. Must be a theme.
  * Johnny Lawrence is dead sexy in a mini skirt.
  * Thanks for noticing! You’re actually not bad yourself Shawn. 



-

So, Grant plans to be back into work tomorrow. How are we gonna celebrate this?

  * Give him math sheets?
  * Joey. I want to say you’re wrong, but he’d probably like that.
  * Well, then you’ll like my other ideas!
  * No we won’t.



-

I’m tired of the damned ink smell. I know it's an animation studio, but can’t we get something to fix that? Half of us are high on ink fumes.

  * The rest are just that crazy.
  * When I can taste ink in my coffee, there’s a problem.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the hint for the sudden escalation. All the characters are just mildly or extremely high and also just that crazy, _but_ now they’re also over caffeinated because someone switched the coffee. The ink taste is an illusion. Now, who could be behind it? I will say it’s not Joey.
> 
> I was wondering what to add to this, doing a bit of crafting, when I glitter bombed myself. I’m still not sure how it happened, but one moment I was glitter free and suddenly I wasn’t. After getting over my mild shock, I figured it was a sign.
> 
> Oh, and the Fuck Off/Fuck On thing was inspired by a conversation I had with my younger sibling Kaillin. They were so happy that I decided to include it here.


	6. Part 6

Who let Henry have duct tape again?!

  * He said he needed it for something important.
  * There are axes taped to the wall. Everywhere.
  * Oh, I thought something was different today.
  * _Thought?_



-

We will not bring up the sheep incident anymore.

  * Writing it in ink on the walls along with here is very immature of you Sammy.
  * I may be thirty-something, but not mentally. So go fuck yourself Wally.
  * I’m sure if there were two of me you’d cry.



-

Now that I’m back, there will be changes. I’ll be bringing some people in to finally fix that stupid elevator, because I am not climbing up stairs in crutches. As well, how did you screw up the inspection so badly?

  * Faith and love, Grant. Glad to have you back! There’s math for you to do.



-

If I had to do math to save my life I would die.

  * In what world does this happen?
  * My constant mistreatment of Grant pushes him to villainy. He ties me up, leans in closely, and says “What’s 6x7? If you can answer that, you can live.” After many thankless minutes, I weakly mutter “A number?” Grant screeches, because I am technically not wrong. For that, my death is even longer and even more painful.
  * Is...is Joey self aware? Is he that much of an asshole? I thought he existed on another plane of existence that just happened to cross into ours.
  * I personally like that villain scenario.
  * Of course you would, Grant.



-

Code Nope!

  * Which one?
  * Joey tripped on the stairs and hurt his bad leg.
  * IF I’M IN PAIN, YOU ALL WILL SUFFER TOO
  * We really need to fix that elevator. This is the fifth stair injury this week.



-

Joey’s going around hitting people with his cane. When asked why, he pouts, and hits them again.

  * Henry, can you do something?
  * Not my division.
  * No! You saved him from drowning in ink earlier. He’s your responsibility now.
  * No. 



-

If Grant and Sammy start making puns while in each others presence, they are to be separated.

  * We’ve heard every pun about your name, Grant.
  * Sammy is king because he can make puns in two languages.



-

Whoever brought in that kitten is getting a raise.

_Turns out one of Sammy’s cats had a litter, and nobody wanted to adopt the tiny black furred kitten, and Sammy brought him into work. Joey found out about this and promptly requested said kitten. Joey spent the rest of the day in his office with the kitten, thus not ruining anyone’s day further, and brought him home with him. Grant decided this was worthy of a raise, simply because it had cut down on some of the destruction and chaos._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See [Little Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15025916) for how Joey met the kitten.
> 
> I’m pretty bad with math, and I decided that it wouldn’t be out of the realms of possibility that Joey has trouble with it too. I actually had to use a calculator for the answer to 6x7. It’s a little frustrating, but I can find humor in it.
> 
> Also, on that line of fault, I've decided Joey has some of my problems instead in this story, since it's easier to write about. Weak knees, previously damaged ankles (I ran in high heels as a child and fell in them) that occasionally ‘fail’, and previous other accidents have happened that have left me with a bad leg, various old injuries that never flawlessly healed, and I keep a cane on hand for the days I need it. Joey instead keeps a cane around so he has something to hit people with, although he certainly needs it some days.


	7. Part 7

After much debate, the kitten has been named Bendy and he is our new mascot. Also, new overlord.

  * Somehow, I don’t have a problem with this.
  * Can I get a ~~wolf~~ puppy and name it Boris?
  * You made no honest attempt to hide that first thing, Henry. 
  * I know, and I am not ashamed. 



-

No wild animals are permitted in the workshop.

  * But someone hired Sammy?
  * And Joey’s not leash trained.
  * Don’t forget about Johnny!
  * But he’s hot. He can do what he wants.



-

As a lot of you have been appreciating my damn fine legs and my handsome face, I must inform you that I am married.

  * You can hear their hearts breaking if you listen hard enough.
  * Sammy’s not married or taken, if that softens the blow.
  * But Sammy’s a bitch.



-

Is there _anyone_ who would date my brother?

  * I made out in a closet with him once. He’s not particularly good. I’ve have more fun with my axes.
  * His mistreatment of Wally is kind of a turn off.
  * I think the general consensus is ‘hell no’



-

I just canceled the following orders:

\- Solid Gold Desk

\- Axes x69

\- Matches

And for some reason, there’s an order for ‘the fucks I couldn’t give’

  * Oh yes, that was mine. If you can’t get them, order something else with the money.



_Grant ordered himself a nice bottle of vodka, which he now keeps in plain view on his desk._

-

ᓮ ᒪᗝⅤᗴ Ꭹᗝᘎ ᗩᒪᒪ.  ᙡᗝﬡᖙᗴᖇℱᘎᒪ ᕈᗴᗝᕈᒪᗴ. ﬡᗴⅤᗴᖇ ᒪᗴᗩⅤᗴ ᙢᗴ.

  * Now I’m scared.



-

Joey being a creep aside, Bendy is really cute.

-

Sammy has kidnapped the kitten.

  * Well Bendy was his to begin with.
  * He has no right to have my cat!



-

Pals. I really think Joey just murdered Sammy. His office is a mess, Joey has Bendy back, and Sammy is just...gone.

  * Good riddance.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sammy isn’t dead. Just hiding.


	8. Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for another part of one of the most well constructed and plotted shitposts. Wow.

So with Sammy gone, can we talk about the sheep incident?

  * We’re gonna freakin publish that shit.



-

Bendy is such a good boy.

-

Joey has really calmed down since he got Bendy. Reletively.

  * Sure. Let’s go with that.



-

To the animation department: FUCK YOU ALL.

-

  
I just witnessed Henry chewing out a bunch of the animators, and all together they said “But mom!” and then Henry pulled Wally out of seemingly nowhere, and said “This is the ideal child.”

  * I hear one of them punched one of the voice actors and it escalated from there.
  * I love how even now Henry can still be a disappointed parent.



-

I have to ask. Did the inspector find any of our off the book businesses while I was gone?

  * He asked what happened to the interns. We told him the half-truth. Shawn Flynn can do all their work, and clearly enjoys it. Then he asked why we trusted a one-eyed man to do all the fine work.
  * I assume it did not end well for the inspector.
  * We figured the comment was worth one kidney and a liver.



-

Since Sammy didn’t show up to work today, clearly because he was in fact murdered, do we call the police?

  * That’s a good joke, Wally.
  * Yeah, I didn’t believe it myself either.



-

Sammy’s funeral will be held at lunch. Bring your own food.

  * But my brother isn’t dead?
  * Don’t worry Johnny, you can stop lying. Sammy died a brutal death.



-

Look at this picture of Bendy!

*Picture not found*

  * So cute!!!
  * Baby kitty!



-

Can you understand why I fought for my new son?

  * Joey. You murdered a man.
  * Yes, and?



-

Sammy isn’t dead.

  * And how do you now that Johnny?
  * My nephew mentioned him over the phone. Sammy’s clearly using his alleged death to spend a few days with his kids.
  * That’s a lie. Sammy doesn’t have kids. Nice try Johnny.
  * It was worth a shot.



-

Dear Crazies,

I have asked Grant to put this on the cork board for you all to see.

Fishing is going good. Haven’t caught anything, but it’s better the spending my days with you all.

I hear Shawn Flynn has been doing repair work in my absence. Mr. Flynn, I love you and I hope you don’t get over stressed spending time with these people. If you ever need a specific tool, call me, and I’ll bring it right over. I also hear you like painting, and I have asked Grant to put in an order for art supplies

To the rest of you, have you considered therapy? Or chilling for a second?

With worst regards, Thomas Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a picture of Bendy before but it disappeared so now you get another joke.


	9. Part 9

I just walked into the projector booth, and almost the entire orchestra’s trying to write sheet music down below. Norman is chilling in the booth with a comic, and Johnny’s laid out on top of his piano, reading a book, while occasionally glancing at the rest of the orchestra, and laughing.

  * They think they need to do this on their own now. But, really, Sammy isn’t dead.
  * Johnny do you see dead people.



-

I forgot there was a Henry cult.

  * That wasn’t smart.



-

Apparently it wasn’t a good idea to give Grant that Edgar plushie.

-

Henry would you marry me even if I was an seven or eight foot tall demon?

  * Made of ink, I should add.
  * Joey I wouldn’t even marry you as is.
  * H̸e̸n̸r̸y̸ w̸h̸y̸ d̸o̸ y̸o̸u̸ h̸u̸r̸t̸ m̸e̸ t̸h̸i̸s̸ w̸a̸y̸?̸



-

Grant is now hiding under his desk, drunk, muttering to himself. Can anyone else here do our taxes?

-

Me: Magic 8 ball is Joey a cunt?

Magic 8 Ball: AS I SEE IT YES

It has spoken.

  * All hail the magic eight ball!



-

Joey what did you really do to Sammy. It’s been days.

  * I’m not telling!
  * No! I gotta know.
  * Wally, I’d think you most of all would be cool with Sammy gone. He is quite the bully towards you.
  * And I’m a dick to him. It’s our thing. It’s fun. I don’t hate him and he doesn’t hate me.
  * This is news to me.



-

Wally is dangling his keys for Bendy to play with, and Joey’s locked in a closet, if you’re wondering where the yelling and screaming is coming from. I guess Wally really wants to know where Sammy is.

-

Look. Sammy isn’t dead. I actually stopped by his house this morning and we talked, had a laugh over this situation, and mocked you all for playing into it. I told you where he was days ago.

  * Yeah? Prove it!



-

We’re all thinking it right?

  * It says a lot that Sammy has three sons with three different women?
  * Even those of us bad at math can figure out the implications of Sammy having an adult son?
  * Sammy is actually a really good dad?
  * Sammy’s oldest son is actually kinda hot?



-

To all my animators (and Wally. Why?) that are drooling over Sammy’s oldest, you really have no bounds do you?

  * Mom, you were drooling over Sammy.
  * Guess he wasn’t _that bad_ , was he?
  * I guess Mom likes a man who’s good with an axe.
  * You’re all grounded.



-

If you even dare publish that book, I’m going to kill you all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, Sammy isn’t dead. Wouldn’t you take a few days off if your boss wanted you dead?  
> Sam's oldest is 18 years old, by the way. Yes. Since a lot of the animators are young adults, and Wally is seventeen here, I figured they would be the ones who'd think Sammy's oldest son is hot. Sammy is not okay with this.


	10. Part 10

Sammy collected the orchestra’s sheet music, put it all on a stand, and started playing the mismatched tunes on his banjo. Afterwards, he actually said the music was _fine_ . Then he started making corrections, and it played as a full song, and he’d barely changed anything. Mostly just made it transition better. Sammy was actually _nice._

  * They’re musicians. Most of them can write music pretty well. Now, if the animators tried to write music there would be a problem.
  * Or is it that you’re still in nice dad mode?
  * No. But speaking of..



-

To the animators thirsty for my son, _what the hell?_

  * Yeah, like he was good to look at, but you people made him uncomfortable.
  * I wouldn’t want an animator as a son or daughter in law anyways. I’d sooner kill them all then have one as an in law.



-

On this matter, does anyone else have kids???

  * I have a daughter.
  * You seem like the dad type, Norman. So I accept this.



_*more than a few notes later*_

  * There will be no bringing your kids to work day. Shawn’s still repairing the damage the Lawrences left.



-

Why do so many of the animators call Henry ‘Mom’?

  * I protested to them calling me Dad, even though it was a sweet gesture, and being the little shits they are they decided to call me Mom instead.
  * Little shits? Most of them are taller than you Henry.



-

Reminder: If the heeled boots and his habit of fluffing up his hair weren’t a clear indication, Henry is sensitive about his height and will lash out. Case in point, he managed to tape Johnny to the ceiling.

_They decided to leave him there. The day’s work didn’t need a piano._

-

Joey was complaining about the studio not having the budget to do a movie, and Grant seemingly materialized out of nowhere to utter “Bitches get stiches”, before taking another swig of vodka

  * Grant probably waited so long for this moment.
  * Iconic.



-

Did Henry ever get around to firing Joey?

  * I knew I was forgetting something. I’ll get the papers.



-

Joey just asked Grant if he had an offspring (his wording, not mine), and Grant got this funny look in his eyes, and then said “That’s one kind of multiplying I’m not into.”

  * I once saw Shawn and Wally playing go fish, and Wally asked Shawn if he had an ace. Shawn put his cards down, walked out of the break room, and came back five minutes later carrying Grant, and he said “Here’s an ace.”
  * Joey tried hitting on me, but I said bi.
  * I have my collection of Henry drawings alphabetized. Gay to Z.
  * I relate heavily to a non-stick pan.



_No one got much work done, because the day dissolved into nothing but puns. As such, Henry never go around to firing Joey. What a shame._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been wanting to make those puns for days now. I am now free. 
> 
> Henry’s got the height sensitivity of Edward Elric from FMA, but most people know better then to point out that he’s short. Johnny is not one of those people.


	11. Part 11

Sammy is wandering the halls, doing a fantastic version of the Mr. Mom song, Henry style, singing as he plays his banjo. Henry looks stuck between punching him or kissing him.

  * Maybe the reason we don’t have a budget for anything is because we barely do any work.
  * Henry started singing along, so I guess kissing is next on the list.
  * Maybe the reason we don’t get any work done is because we spend all our time in the break room stalking the cork board.
  * And shipping co-workers.



-

Anyone that doesn’t ship me and Henry is fired.

  * Joey. It’s talk like that which will make everyone quit.
  * Henry. What did I do wrong? What does Sammy have that I don’t?!
  * I have axes.



-

So, what do you people want to put in the former pipe organ room?

  * Not another goddamned pipe organ that’s for sure.
  * What do you have against pipe organs?
  * Did a pipe organ murder your entire family?
  * Yes.



-

One of these days Sammy is gonna leave us and probably start a comic, his own animation studio, or something. I caught him doodling the hypothetical ‘pipe organ killed my family’ scenario and he was so proud of himself.

-

Grant’s going to be gone a few days while he gets help and sobers up.

  * Oh great. That means Henry’s gonna be done for the count again.
  * Joey. Can you please be lighter on him this time? Please don’t break Henry again.



-

Goddammit Joey. 

-  
  
Henry is now in charge of the Henry cult. We’re screwed.

-

Did anyone bother taking Johnny down?

  * Nope.
  * No.
  * Sammy. He’s your brother.
  * And I’m short. He deserves it.
  * You share both parents and there’s like a foot difference between you. How???
  * Tragic backstory not unlocked...



-

Joey and Sammy’s milk chugging contest was the most fascinating sight.

  * But they’re both lactose intolerant???
  * Sammy won. Joey ran off pretty quickly afterwards.
  * Joey’s a week cunt and drinks lactose free milk. I take normal milk in my coffee daily. I may suffer, but not as much as Joey is.
  * Was that a pun or did you use the wrong word.
  * The world may never know.



-

Why is there a chicken sitting on Henry’s desk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mr. Mom song is by Lonestar, and it is quite funny, although if you want to listen to it I'd suggest a lyric video since the music video is pretty violent.
> 
> Sammy and Joey's thing is half based on Kaillin and I. We're both lactose intolerant, but while they've switched to lactose free products, I just don't care to do that. Plus, most of the lactose free stuff out there just doesn't taste right to me. I figure that's also Sammy's issue here.


	12. Part 12

The chicken is mine and her name is Alice.

  * Reasonable.


  * Bendy will probably try and eat her.
  * I’d like to see him try.
  * HE WILL.



-

Sammy walked in, playing his banjo like a violin, and it was beautiful. 

  * How.
  * I am not a mere mortal. Also, because fuck you.



-

Why do we even bring animals to work?

  * Same reason why we have a private park, with an adult sized playground. We’re just big, stupid kids.
  * I’ll drink to that.
  * Don’t.



-

Wally Franks. If you so much as enter my office again, I will have to resort to name calling. 

-

Most office romances are frowned upon in more reasonable workplaces, but here it’s frowned upon because it gets really weird. 

  * Henry seems to like axes and Sammy, which is weird. 
  * But not Joey. Suck it.
  * Sammy might be a dendrophilic.
  * Please. Please. I was drunk. And I was only flirting.
  * This is the most upset I’ve seen Sammy since two hours ago when he started crying when he saw a really cute cat picture.



-

We really should have made it a rule not to tease Sammy too much (unless you're Wally Franks, who seems to have a free pass), but that should be common sense. 

-

That better not be an actual wolf Henry was talking about.

  * Don’t worry Joey. It’s just a plush. 
  * Good. 
  * Was Joey just the sane one?
  * Not bringing a wolf to work is just another bit of common sense.
  * Joey doesn’t have common sense. 
  * But he has fear. 



-

You all are terrible.

  * What was your first guess?



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is a dendrophilic? Hahaha...well, the point of that is that it's a nod to a passing comment made about Sammy in my story _What's It Like In The Cold_ since it amuses me to poke fun at my own stories sometimes. Sammy isn't a dendrophilic. In this (and in _Cold_ for that matter), he just mistook a tree for a pretty person at some point while drunk and started flirting with it. Or so he claimed. While much calmer then sober Sammy, drunk Sammy does some pretty weird shit, and that's what they're teasing him over. The implied incident actually has more to it, which is why he got upset so easily.


	13. Part 13

The battle for Henry’s heart continues. Place your bets!

  * Sammy’s not even overly into Henry and he’s already winning. No question.
  * I appreciate any time to one up my shitty boss.
  * I’m not even that into Sammy but I also appreciate one upping Joey.



-

All I want in life is for Henry to love me and my own cult. Is that really too much to ask!

  * Yes. A thousand times yes.



-

You sons and daughters of a shit fuck. All of you. Betrayed me.

  * Shit fuck? That's probably most of your relationships, Joey.
  * no.



-

How long did we leave Johnny tapped to the ceiling?

  * From all his complaining, I'd say too long. 
  * I’m starting a campaign to ban duct tape from being in the studio.
  * Good luck with that Johnny.



-

Shit. 

  * Agreed.



-

So, can we talk about how both Sammy and Joey know how to remove blood easily?

  * Have you forgotten they have sisters who might have revealed their secrets to them?
  * Susie. Many of us have sisters. They have shared secrets. Your point?
  * Certain secrets.



-

Henry and Sammy are standing at the top of the playground, Henry’s cult bowing on the ground below them, while they are proclaimed kings of the castle in an hour long ritual.

  * This has got to be fake because Sammy has a pretty short attention span. I'd give him five, maybe ten minutes at most before he gets bored. Twenty if he's actually planning to tap that. 
  * Source? 
  * Thirty years of being his brother and occasional minder.



-

I’m going to fire Joey myself if Henry never will.

-

Good news for you Alice lovers. Bendy is cowering under a desk while Alice stands proudly.

  * What did she do?
  * Have you ever angered a chicken?



_Bendy had to be bribed with a cat treat before he even considered moving._

-

Has anyone seen Henry or Sammy since the ritual?

-

Do we have fire insurance?

  * Nope.




	14. Part 14

Think about it this way. The animators weren’t getting any work done. This will just be their time to catch up while we get the sound department repaired.

  * Our animators? Do anything but be annoying? That’s improbable.
  * I could turn you all into ink creatures and I’m sure many of them would still be pains in the ass.
  * Say what now Joey.



-

So, why is Henry able to have a cult, but not me! It’s not fair.

  * You want to sell our souls to Satan, and apparently turn us into ink. Henry wants to worship axes and start fires and just have fun.
  * Why would I sacrifice you to Satan? I’m pagan.
  * Somehow this isn’t a comfort.
  * Pagans aren’t evil.
  * But you, specifically, are.



-

 

  * This seems sinister, somehow.



-

I would have thought Joey learned not to wear high heels.

  * Henry. At least I’m not running in them this time! I rock these extra inches
  * Shockingly, Joey Drew has the ability to learn from his mistakes.



-

Henry is now hanging from the ceiling by a rope, and Johnny is cackling. Sometimes I forget that Johnny is a much of menace as Sammy, because he can be so nice.

  * What a mistake to make! To forget! I learnt how to be petty and get revenge directly from Sammy. What did Henry expect when he messed with me?
  * Certainly not someone who misses a banana peel right at the top of a staircase.



-

And how many stair injuries is that now?

  * Too many.
  * And how much longer until the elevator is fixed?
  * Too long.



-

Pals! I actually managed to fire Joey!

  * Wally? How!?
  * Well, I found the right papers, and then I fired him.
  * But how! Only Henry could fire me.
  * As Henry’s semi-adopted son, I have certain rights.



_Joey, unable to fight this, sadly walked out the door, and walked home alone, and the employees' lives were saved._

_  
_ _Or so they thought._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture of Alice from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ADark_Brahma_hen%2C_Oregon.jpg


	15. Part 15

Everyone! Joey left Bendy. I just found him curled up on a shelf. Either that, or Joey is here, and I don’t know what’s worse.

  * This brings me great fear.
  * Is Bendy alright?!
  * I took him to Sammy. Bendy is fine.
  * Good.



-

With one of the problems gone(?), can we get rid of the other problems?

  * Yeah! Like, while we can’t get rid of all the animators, we can get rid of the one whose name rearranges to ‘Pretty Sadistic Asshole’ and starts the most shit, right?
  * Not quite right. But his last name does rearrange to ‘core ill’.
  * Henry. You do not deny he is a problem?
  * Nope.
  * Can we fire him?
  * Nope.
  * You could drag me into hell backwards, and Henry still wouldn’t fire me.



-

I think Wally has gone mildly power mad.

  * The guy managed to fire Joey. What did you expect?
  * Not him letting Henry hang off the balcony until Henry agreed to sign the adoption papers.
  * Was there no one else around?
  * There were a bunch of people around. We were taking bets! I bet that Henry would fall but his inability to die would kick in, and he’d take off.
  * You must be loving that you actually won that bet.



-

Can we talk about Henry’s inability to die?

  * Susie here! I’ve heard a bit about this, but this is the best time to ask just what you all mean by that.


  * He once fell off the roof of Joey’s house while retrieving a frisbee during a workplace summer party. His only complaint when Joey’s sister retrieved him from the bottom of the pool was that he failed to get the frisbee.
  * Henry got struck by lightning once. When we pulled him out of the wall the strike had sent him through, he walked it off. Then he got struck again. Walked that off too.
  * That’s improbable. Yet I saw him accidentally set himself on fire, and I had to help him remove his clothes and he was more concerned about being half-nude than the fact that he’d been on fire.
  * Is Henry even human?



-

Sorry for my actions earlier. I just really want him to sign those adoption papers. Plus, he’s the one who tossed himself over the balcony.

  * What does Henry have against officially adopting you? I’ve always wondered that.
  * As someone who’s been through the adoption process a couple times (the fact that you all so readily thought three women have gotten into bed with me is unexpected, considering your opinion of me), I’m sure he knows nothing about his life would pass social services' high standards. Plus, Wally’s current identity is fake. How does he even have papers Henry could sign?
  * They’re not meant to be official. I drew them in crayon.
  * That’s actually really sweet.



_Sammy and quite a few others swore they’d get Henry to sign those papers. Once they found him, that is._

-

I walked into Sammy office, since I wanted to ask him how he passed by social services high standards _twice_ , and he was hands deep into a chocolate cake. He seemed offended that I asked about the cake instead.

-

Me: Magic 8 Ball, is Joey at the studio?

Magic 8 Ball: IT IS CERTAIN

  * Shit. The Magic 8 Ball has never been wrong.



-

Hello naughty children. It’s time to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was making a point of not even implying the names of the OCs scattered about this thing, but there’s really no other place that I could easily joke that ‘Collier’ is an anagram for ‘core ill’, and since an animator OC of mine named Timmy Collier has actually been behind many of the conflicts others have with the animation department, he certainly is a ‘core ill’ in a world where those words mean something together. 
> 
> On Wally’s ‘fake identity’, that’s a reference to his backstory in my series The Reinforcement of Agony AU (where Timmy Collier also frequents most). Here, Wally's backstory is slightly different and more exaggerated, but Wally is still a runaway who quickly picked up a different name just like he is in that series.


	16. Part 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a mighty battle! You just have to imagine what happened though.

Remember when those interns Grant murdered said Henry was just as bad as Joey? We probably should have listened to them.

  * I thought with Joey gone he’d go back to relatively normal, but I guess that’s too much to ask.
  * In hindsight, we should have seen this coming. He's been 'off' for a while. Not even normal Henry weird. 
  * To be honest, I really did expect Joey to be the one to try and kill us all out of madness.



-

We’ve gotten rid of both our bosses. Now what do we do?

  * Hope Henry makes a speedy recovery to sanity? Joey hasn’t redeemed himself yet.
  * But I saved the studio!
  * Someone else is going to the boss, despite you ‘saving’ the studio.
  * More like screaming while Sammy fended off Henry’s axe with another axe.
  * True. But I managed to tackle him once. 
  * Yeah, sure. 



-

I'm not convinced you weren't behind this, Mister Drew. 

  * Say, you like projectors, right? And darkness?



-

I nominate Wally as our new boss. He showed great skill this fine day.

  * Everyone in favor of Wally being the new boss stick around in the break room for cake.
  * Thanks, Pals!



_Pretty much everyone wanted to sign the adoption papers at this point._

_-_

Hey, since Johnny did such a great job during the Henry panic, I thought I should mention he lied about being married.

  * Sammy you bitch.
  * Why’d he lie in the first place?



-

Sammy. With Henry no longer on your radar you can go back to focusing on that crush you have on Susie!

  * No. Don't know what you're talking about.
  * I really wouldn't mind, Sammy. I think you’re rather cute. Your drawings of me were quite lovely.



_"Wally. You didn't. You promised you wouldn't"_

_"Sorry, Sammy, but I couldn't help it!"_

_-_

I really hope you don’t expect me to fix this all.

  * No, no, no, Mr. Connor. I got this. You just got back from your vacation, at the worst time.
  * Actually, Mr. Flynn, I’ll help you. Only you.
  * Can we pick up something nice for Grant afterwards?
  * Yes. Meet me at the pub and we can get started fixing this mess.



-

If I can’t be the boss, can I properly start a Bendy cult? We can build on the ashes of the Henry cult. 

  * Ah…sure.
  * If it’s a cult around Bendy, it can’t really be that bad, right?
  * After all this, what's really the worst that could happen?



-

_Henry closed the door behind him, the screen of his phone illuminating his face. Open on the screen was a text from Joey._

_"Alright, Joey. Let's see if I can find what you wanted me to see, and if I can find an axe to hit you with when I do."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A follow up to this: [Let's Blame Joey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14273934)


	17. Part 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olá! Me, more than any of you, did not expect this to update again. I declared it ended for a reason! But...well. There was this thing called BATIM Chapter 4, and these new things to play around with, and so I said fuck it. I may have a massive amount of stories to finish and edit and post but I remember this crack fic being a nice, non-serious, in-between kind of thing, so why not, eh?
> 
> As well, this part on won’t make sense unless you’ve also read Let’s Blame Joey. 
> 
> This first new part is basically everyone readjusting post-ink. It may be a little underwhelming. For them, it was probably just another month at Joey Drew Studios. Although...some are taking it a little harder than others.

  * We have a fandom?
  * I always assumed we were screaming into the void.



-

So, I was right.

  * Norman. Parking lot. Now. Today, we fight.



-

With how much fucking ink is left, we might as well have stayed ink.

  * No. I like having feet. I do miss being tall and buff as fuck though.
  * It’s nice being able to run my fingers through my hair again.
  * I can still dominate people either way.
  * I like having both hands.
  * I'm not going to beat around the bush. I like bondage.
  * You people are off to a great start, huh. You freaks.
  * We love you too, Grant. 



-

Henry, Johnny, Joey, and Sammy were all standing together, arguing, and it got curlier and curlier.

  * Yeah, it’s like, Henry has sort of curly hair but it’s more wavy, Johnny has beautiful curls on those days he doesn’t straighten his hair (just one of many ways he’s pretty), Joey’s Portuguese ancestors shine proud in those thick locks, and Sammy clearly doesn't give a shit. His hair might not be as curly as Joey’s, but you wouldn't know from how knotted it looks.
  * I can’t remember the last time I cut my hair nor the last time I used shampoo. My hair has thanked me since. Shampoo wrecks my hair. Sometimes I do brush my hair, but it’s down to my ass. I don't have the time nor the attention span to care often.
  * Very good, but seriously dudes. Johnny.
  *   * What a prime specimen of a man. He's very pretty.
  * I’m glad you have a picture of him from before his black eye.
  * I have many pictures of Johnny.
  * Ah, yes. I remember that picture and that jacket. Last years’ holiday party, Henry set the jacket on fire. I was still wearing it at the time.



-

When I went home last night, my toddler started yelling, my second oldest son called me a dick, and my oldest was already crying before I stepped into the door. So uh, yeah. Joey, go fuck yourself. There are more cats, so at least there’s that. I think the only reason my house isn’t a total pig-stye is that most of my cats are strays who decided they like me, and most of them live in my backyard. My cats missed me too. Joey, you were a cat for a month. An inky cat, but a cat. You could possibly relate. I just really like having a family and cats.

_“I really am sorry. I only wish I’d learned some sense earlier. Plus, I wanted to see what would happen. Simple curiosity.”_

_“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Andrews.”_

_“Well, I said sorry, and that’s what Henry told me to do at axe point. Speaking of saying sorry, did you ever apologize to that tree?”_

_“...fuck you!”_

-

So, let’s take bets as to how Sammy and Susie’s relationship failed before anyone knew it went somewhere!

  * I am naturally destructive in relationships. I can barely handle friendships. Romance is near impossible. That’s how my marriage to the mother of my one biological son (my second oldest son, for those getting a kick out of my miserable life) ended. Susie is a powerful woman, and I respect that. I tend to fare better in healthy dysfunction.
  * Nah, that’s boring. I bet it was your foot fetish.
  * Didn’t Sammy say he was bad in bed?
  * This is my favourite game!
  * So...Samsie is dead…but Samry lives on?
  * Please don’t use ship names on the cork board.
  * Joey. You’re just saying that because your realized what yours and Henry’s ship name is, right?
  * Yes.



-  
Oh boy. Fuck Me. I want to be ink again.

  * Leg?
  * Yes.
  * We are pleased by your suffering.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the article seemed kinda weird, aside from being meant to establish that they do actual work and have a fandom, its also a partial nod to other content of mine, like a few jokes in this fic are. In who the article was written by, Casper, whose Joey's boyfriend/life partner in [The Reinforcement of Agony AU](https://archiveofourown.org/series/923598), and [Dreaming of Blues Skies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373526) respectively. And [These Old Songs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825020) in some content, but only because I wanted to add something at the beginning of this part, but was at a loss of what to put into it. Those stories just happened to be on my mind and it spun from there. Hopefully the article is at least mildly interesting. 
> 
> The new characters will start appearing soon. A certain hat man the earliest. I got plans.
> 
> [Casper’s article ](https://kyeabove.tumblr.com/post/173995871005) (and some quick stuff about him for anyone that cares)  
> [Picture of Johnny](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MARTAKIS1.jpg)  
> The actual guy seems to be Greek, unlike Johnny and Sammy who are Spanish, but it's the same general area, so I think the photo fits appearance wise well enough. Better than me trying to draw something of him.


	18. Part 18

Hearing sweet Wally Franks sing “In the morning, you may wake. Or in the morning, you'll be dead!” as I walked in the doors of the studio was not how I expected to start my day.

  * Hey, the song is catchy. Especially the version where Sammy’s singing in his normal voice and not one of the weird ones he uses when he does some voice acting.
  * It is quite catchy. So was the cult.



-

Sammy has quit.

  * Great! I already have his replacement a phone call away! He’s a lyricist.
  * But what about the actual music?
  * Everyone can write their own music.
  * Joey. Neither you or Henry run this place anymore. You guys can’t make that call. Only Wally can.
  * It’s fine. Call him.



_Wally’s usual goofy and happy smile wasn’t seen for the rest of the day. Everyone knew it was because he missed Sammy._

-

We need a new piano.

  * Why?
  * Same reason Joey needs a new car.



-

What I want to know is how Johnny managed to haul a piano up several levels, out the door, into the parking lot, and then throw it onto Joey’s car.

-

So, if you happened to hear about a crazy man killing people with an axe, yes, that was me.

  * Even the one with the...?!
  * Yes.
  * How’d you even get the axe there, Henry? And how’d the body end up in a tree?



-

Hello, I’m Jack Fain! I’m the guy here in place of that Lawrence dork as a song writer. I’ve read your board, seen your destruction, and I’m impressed! I think I’ll fit right in!

  * Were you involved in organized crime?
  * Serial killer, or one time/twice?
  * If you’re a drug dealer we'll have to fire you. We’re already on a natural high here!
  * You mean ink high.
  * Yes, that too.
  * Nah, I’m a serial thief. Speaking of, anyone want something shiny, come to me.



-

I think I’m in love.

  * Johnny, cool your gay.
  * Well, I’m actually bi, for one. Secondly, no.
  * I have an innocent question. Is anyone in the Lawrence family straight?
  * Of course! It’s just that Sammy, our youngest sister, my oldest nephew, and I can be very dramatic and tend to be more noticeable.



-

Allison here. Is your sister available, Johnny?

  * I just texted her, and I’ll give you her phone number if you tell me who was giving Sammy all that chocolate cake. When I told him to eat more, I didn’t mean more chocolate cake.



_Allison scored herself a date, and a very unapologetic Henry was pushed from a window by Johnny._

-

So, what exactly was the sheep incident?

_A lone piece of paper would be found in front of the cork board. It read, in Wally’s printing, “So, you know how Sammy has some hearing loss in one ear?” But stopped there, even though other pencil marks told of more to come._

_Wally, and several others, would later turn up again, but they refused to speak of where they'd been, what had happened, or utter anything about the sheep incident._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I decided not to use the picture here since it’d be out of place since this thing isn’t set during winter right now, the ‘Johnny smashes a piano on Joey’s (Sister's) car’ thing was inspired by this picture: https://i.imgur.com/qZvMZeO.jpg
> 
> Hopefully Jack doesn't steal _too much_ stuff during his time in the studio, eh?


	19. Part 19

Grant is lying on the break room couch, in his PJs, eating cold canned ravioli _like a loser,_ and Henry is on the ground, sipping out of a bottle of creme liqueur, and I still felt judged.

  * Wally. You’re wearing socks and sandals. Of course we’re judging you.
  * Harshly.
  * Wally, I've seen you eating ravioli out of the can too. 
  * Exactly, pal.



-

Henry. What are you, exactly?

  * Just a tired human from Wisconsin.
  * That’s a lie. A fucking lie. Even if you were human. I mean, you could reasonably be from Wisconsin, but human? NO.



_Henry declined to comment further._

-

Johnny. Since we ran out of interns months ago, did your brother happen to leave behind any medication? I’m afraid I’d have to confiscate it.  

  * Sorry, my dude. Sammy doesn’t take meds for his ADHD, and I think his pain meds are expired.
  * What a shame. I don’t normally approve of this sort of thing, but desperate times.



-

Hey, Shawn. You make toys in your spare time. They’re pretty cute. Maybe we should mass produce them and sell them.

  * That would be so cool! I’d love to be at the head of that!


  * Thomas, Shawn. I love you both.



-

With how low we are on money right now, Grant’s not going to like my new idea.

_Grant would later be seen sobbing, cradling the Edgar plush he’d decided to tolerate despite his fear of spiders and distaste for the Edgar character as an extension. Shawn and Thomas were trying to comfort him, but even they seemed close to tears._

_“Joey wants to build an amusement park in the basement!”_

-

I think we should get a second accountant.

  * No.



-

How the tables have turned. “Closets aren’t for making out”

See, Henry and I were planning to use it, and instead I caught Wally in the make-out closet with my nephew. I didn’t even know he was here. This is historical. Wally can’t say shit now.

  * I want to say I’m surprised, Johnny, but nothing of what I just read surprises me.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should all be [concerned for Grant’s mental state](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14794433), especially if he's gone from organ harvesting to considering drug dealing. 
> 
> Also, I occasionally try and tag the pairings in this story, but, man, I always give up. Almost everyone will flirt or make out with anyone. I’d tag this story Everyone/Everyone, if that wasn’t true either.


	20. Part 20

I have decided this must be Henry’s true form.

 

  * Grant. Are you okay?
  * No. No I am not.



-

Are we in the cursed timeline or is there something worse we avoided?

  * Considering a majority of us have seen Joey naked, I’d say this is the cursed timeline.
  * Well! As offended as I am, consider there’s probably a timeline where I was sober that day.
  * Joey. You were sober.
  * Was I, really?



-

  
Grant’s going around asking if we have anything we could sell. He’ll take anything at this point.

  * He never asked me.
  * Joey. While it might be a good thing to consider changing, you live with your sister, and I’m still not convinced that you own more than one suit. You have nothing to sell.
  * Like you have anything better, Henry.
  * I could turn you in as the crazy axe murderer.
  * But that’s you.
  * I’d vouch for you being the crazy axe murderer, Joey!
  * Is there a reward!?
  * Yes.



_The only thing stopping Grant from framing Joey there and then was that his tears of happiness blinded him temporarily, and Joey made his escape._

-

I'm missing my wedding ring. Where’s Jack?

-

Sammy was smart. He got outta here.

  * Hey that’s my line!



-

So, while we have almost no money, I think if we do sell merch, we can pull in a lot of money. Or we could try to sell out to another company.

  * Wally. Let’s try merch first! I’m really excited to try that.
  * I just want money for this company so I can say my life isn’t a failure.
  *   * That’s about right.



-

Henry. Why do you even have a chicken?

  * No comment.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katty, co-creator of The No Good Breaking Point, another off the walls story of mine, drew Grant’s picture of ‘Henry’. She’s horrified at what she’s brought into the world, yet also a little proud. It didn’t use to be _that_ unsettling. I took a hammer to it in GIMP when I put it on the paper. I decided to keep the source as a private post on my Tumblr, to contain the chaos, but the other picture, is [here.](https://spiderspooder.tumblr.com/post/175351704227/grant-needs-a-break-and-a-clean-shirt)  
>  That's the physical embodiment of Joey Drew Studios. Wally's OC. Although outside this he's more Spiderspooder's, who drew the picture.
> 
> See [Homeward](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723882) for the events set between now and the next part.


	21. Part 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since not enough people seem interested in Homeward, I have deciding to forego finishing it off for now due to time constraints, and simply post this, and let you all figure out what happened between Part 20, the posted chapters of Homeward, and now. I will say Boris is a hellhound, and they acquired him during the events that will eventually be covered in Homeward. He and everything about him is on fire.
> 
> Also, speaking of those time restraints, I must report that I’m moving to a whole different part of my country for a job. Although if you follow or stalk my Tumblr, you probably know some of that. But with this move, everyone should expect less longer works in favor of drabbles and short stories, if you read any stories by me other than this one, for the time being. The motions of moving take a lot of time out of my days.

Boris peed on Joey’s shoe while Joey was wearing it.

  * Good boy.
  * Did he lose any toes?
  * Nope. Nurse said the damage would heal with time. He can’t give an exact estimate, because of our inky physiologies.



-

Weirdest thing in the world was walking into Sammy’s office, and finding Sammy giving Allison a pedicure. I walked right out before I could gather any context. I don’t want it.

-

The Devil just materialized in the hallway, interacted with Wally, gave Boris a good pet, and then left. I’d pity _myself_ if I was shocked in any way by this.

  * The Devil found my keys, and was kind enough to return them.
  * How did you lose your keys in Hell, Wally?
  * Sometimes things just happen, pal.



-

Hot nurse. When did we get him? How long do you think it’ll take Henry to get into the make-out closet with him?

-

I just found out Wally’s original last name, and I’m so mad.

  * You can’t say that and then not tell us the name.
  * *****BLOTTED OUT WITH INK*****
  * Son of a bitch.
  * I’m so proud of my future son-in-law.



-  
I’m really glad Mister Lawrence is back. I really look up to him. He’s so impressive. He’s managed to keep his passion for music and playing it despite not hearing well in one ear, and missing a whole finger.

  * Thanks. I guess.
  * An attempt was made, but something sounds off about that statement to me.
  * Hey, Sammy. Is there a reason you have some hearing loss on the same side you’re missing several teeth?
  * Yes. But I dare not go into it.



-

Does anyone ever wonder just what the fuck Sammy (and Johnny too, now that I think about it) got into before being hired here?

  * Everyday of my life, pal.



-

How come Joey and Henry share a birthday?! Why was I not told of this.

  * Well, considering nine months before their birthday is August...I have no clue. No special day I could say their parents enjoyed a year apart.
  * I personally think it fits into the ‘Henry isn’t human’ theory! Henry was just lazy picking his so called birth date, and used Joey’s. I guess him making himself a year younger is his way of diverting suspicion.
  * I’m adding this to the evidence file.



-

Fine. Here’s my family tree.

 

 

  * Holy shit
  * There's a lot to unpack here.
  * So you’re part supernatural lumberjack, part vampire, part dead, and the Devil is your grandfather.
  * No. Not the Devil. Common mistake. Lucifer is not the devil, but another fallen angel. They’re drinking buddies and a few wild nights led to some people thinking they’re the same person, and another led to thinking Lucifer was just the name of a star.
  * So you’re part angel then.
  * Yes. And demon because that’s what my father was.
  * But you have an angel and whatever the hell Hel is for grandparents.
  * You have a lot to learn about non-human genetics.
  * Can't vampires not reproduce?



-

Is there a proper term for a supernatural lumberjack, vampire, partly dead, angel, demon cross?

  * Yes. Henry Bendtsen.



-

So suddenly, the Henry cult (which we’re totally reforming, because why not?) has become a religion. I think.


	22. Part 22

Alice is in a closet. It seems Alice laid eggs and she’s nesting.... Maybe the feathers Bendy was hacking up when we briefly thought he’d ate Alice during their adventure together came from the baby daddy. 

  * Aw! Bendy defended Alice’s honor. 
  * Congratulations, Mother Hen. You’re going to become a Grandmother Hen.



_ Henry went to the closet, and stayed there with Alice. For the best, nobody went anywhere near.  _

-

I accept that I had a bit to do with this, and I’ll take any of the consequences.

  * Who are you and what did you do with Joey. 



-

Was anyone aware Henry has a brother? 

  * So you’re saying there’s more of his species.
  * Unless he’s just a half brother. 
  * No, they’re full siblings. Now, can you delete your copy of that photo? Henry will be pissed.
  * I will not. I have visual proof that Henry does in fact have a brother, and also that Henry has an eight-legged horse for a great-uncle. Both of those facts sound unrealistic even as I wrote them.
  * No wonder Henry was so quick to adopt a chicken as a daughter. 



-

Are we sure, with Henry not being human, and his confusing genetics, Alice isn’t his actual daughter? 

-

Sammy is no longer allowed to think, speak, or write anything. Ever again. 

-

For those who want to kill Sammy for that... Do it! We already lost one Lawrence brother. We can stand losing the other. 

-

Johnny’s death was an accident and that’s the story we’re sticking to.

  * But Dad. Uncle Johnny's death wasn’t an accident. You stabbed him
  * While we're all happy for you to be working here now as a not-intern, you have a lot to learn about how we talk around here. It was an accident. 



-

Don’t put the “I” word where Grant can see it. 

-

So we all just accept that Alice laid eggs right?

  * As long as those hatch into chicks I have zero reason to care. 



-

For all the unfortunate images it brings, I am loving these theories.

  * Henry always refers to himself as Alice’s mother. Who’d be the father then?
  * An axe.



_The fact that nobody said a word against it said a lot about both them, and their opinion of Henry. That, and nobody could come up with a better theory._


	23. Part 23

The sheep incident is in no way like the tree incident!  
  
_Nobody knew who started the rumor, but nobody wanted to think of it that way anyways._

-  
The sheep incident actually included no actual sheep, but instea **~Blotted out with INK~**

  * This note must be why Sammy is chasing Wally around the parking lot with a broom.
  * Back to the good old days.



-

So we can assume the reason Henry can’t die is because he’s already part dead.

  * It still doesn’t explain the ***Blotted out with ink***



-

To whoever is covering notes with ink today instead of just taking notes down from the board At Least:

Run. I know who you are, and I told Grant you’re in perfect health, and reminded him that you’re a flesh and blood human, _Jack._

-

Pray for Jack Fain.

  * Grant. What the fuck?



-

To everyone out of the loop because they’re actually working, Henry has duct take again, and this time he’s weaponized his cult. Grant is also there.

-

I don’t know how Henry and the crazies managed to get Norman, but taping an almost seven foot tall man to a wall has to be a sign that Henry is not a Dhampyr with extra steps like I was hoping to call him, but a god.

-

Regret is the word of the day.

-

Hey Grant! Met an old buddy of yours last night. You need to dispose of interns’ bodies better next time. It's a century too early for the skeleton wars.

  * What are you talking about. Next time? There are no interns at Joey Drew Studios.



-

Norman still hasn’t stopped following Henry around ominously since he was taken down. He’s not saying a word, but Henry looks like he’d much rather be away.

  * Norman put a projector over his head. Shit’s gonna get interesting.



-

Roombas are already dangerous. A hellhound on a roomba is much dangerous.

-  
I just realized somebody changed our coffee. Whom the fuck? 


	24. Part 24

I decided I needed to know for sure how many cats Sammy had in his house and yard, and pals. I was there, at 68 cats. He had so many cats, and yet still not quite enough. Then Sammy came home, like fate, and he was holding something in his hands. He held out a nearly newborn kitten he’d found motherless. I swear we bonded further across multiple levels of existence as together we said in unison. “69. Nice.” 

-

Everyone! Post your favourite Animator occurrences!

  * I saw one catch his reflection in a mirror, charge at the mirror, and then have the mirror fall on him. Other occurrences prove he’s the physical embodiment of FIGHT ME.
    * Wasn’t he the one who punched Susie?
    * I thought that was the known bitch. 
    * Nope. For once that asshole wasn’t at fault for a thing. 
  * The pair of brothers in them set a table on fire. Henry is being a bad example.
  * Aside from all the times our least favorite has started shit for his own amusement? Every time you hear the smack of his husband face palming in response to said shit. 
  * Definitely the sheep incident.  Multiple animators were involved there.



-

To whoever drew that picture of Edgar...you made Grant sad. Shame on you.

-

I’m going to throw a lampshade at Sammy next time I see him. 

  * Norman. Does this have anything to do with Sammy dancing in your booth in a really stylish romper, singing Ricky Martin songs?
  * Allison. Yes.
  * I’m so lost here.
  * We all are.
  * On a related note, Sammy’s singing was amazing.


  * Sammy may be a smelly little bitch, but he can _sing._



-

I heard Joey had a date that went well.

  * And other fun jokes we tell. Critics call this shit is the comedy of the lost. 
  * Apparently Henry gave him the guy’s number. The guy is a witch. Joey is also a witch. I assume that’s why it clicked. 
  * It’s so hard to find love these days. Anyone who mocked my date is getting a pay reduction. 
  * Yeah, but you can’t do that.



-

Whatever sort of conflict Sammy and Norman were having is done for. They’re currently in the washroom, marveling together over how lasers bounce off mirrors.

  * Turns out it was all Norman’s ploy to get Sammy to shower. Susie, why didn’t you tell me Sammy has tattoos? 
  * And so, Sammy joins team ‘(A) Co-Worker(s) has/have seen me naked at work’ 



-

Hey, Wally. Quick question. Are you dating Sammy’s son?

  * Maybe I am. But have you ever heard of minding your own business?



-

I think it’s cute how very okay Sammy is with the idea of having Wally as family.

-

I have come to the conclusion that Sammy is Batman.

  * He’s really broody but secretly really nice. 
  * Likes the night. 
  * Adopted kids who needed a dad.
  * Also my parents are dead. 
  * Yikes.
  * Note canceled.



-

In the event anyone dies in this attack, I get their office.

  * Tough luck if Henry somehow dies since he doesn’t even have a fucking office.
  * If anyone dies, Henry gets their office.
  * Agreed



-

I still can’t believe Henry wasn’t  _ the _ crazy axe murder, just _a_ crazy axe murderer. Why’d you claim to be the crazy axe murderer, Henry? She got jealous.

  * It seemed like a good idea. Joey knew fear.
  * Fear sure didn’t stop Joey from using one of your axes to behead a person.
  * It was rather charming.
  * ?



-

So Wally, what did you do with the crazy axe murderer’s body?

  * I gave it to Grant. He hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek, and said I’m now one of his best friends. 
  * How sweet!



-

This fear has made me realize that I truly am mortal. I’m still working on the immortality thing, and before that sees the light, I could pass on without a legacy. Since I’m gay as fuck, I’m not passing on a legacy the so called usual way. That, and Alice’s darlings have me thinking. My only son is a cat, and unless I perfect the immortality thing and can extend his life as well, he will die long before me. I am lost.

  * Joey. That’s scary and sad coming from you. 
  * I can be deep. 
  * Why not have a kid with Henry? You might end up with something unholy, but it would most likely be long lived. 
  * How does that even work. Forget being an animation studio. Let’s study Henry and get rich that way.



-

Whoever put that stupid idea in Joey’s head is going to regret it. Typing it out and printing it instead of writing it will not save you. 

\- 

The new ship name for Henry and Joey shall be Honey. Hoey is what we should call Joey when he’s been hoe-ing. 


	25. Part 25

Seeing Grant and Norman stand beside each other was the most hilarious fucking thing. Grant already makes Henry look tall. Isn't Grant only 4'9? Well, he looked even shorter beside Norman's 6'11.

  * Norman. I have to ask. How annoying is it to not be a rounded 7 feet?
  * That last inch is measured in my patience. 



-

Today on "I walked into Sammy's office and saw something strange", he and Allison were cuddled up on the couch Sammy has in his office discussing music.

  * I think at this point we have to admit they're friends.



- 

When I turn 18 will you all stop calling me a child? 

  * No. 



- 

So I found out Wally was the one who switched out the coffee. He also started putting Henry's creme liquor in Sammy's coffee. I can't even be mad. 

  * Well of course not. He's Wally Franks, the best boss we ever had.
  * That really hits me where it hurts. 
  * You're welcome Joey.



-

Any idea when Thomas and Shawn's wedding will be?

  * They're getting married?
  * Not that I've heard, but gosh darn it, they're a happy couple in a known stable, loving relationship. For us sort around here that is amazing. I want them to be happy.



_Both Thomas and Shawn avoided questions on the next step of their relationship. After all, they hadn't even been dating for that long. Still, the support was sweet._

_-_

Now that Henry has revealed his true nature...I have to wonder if he may also be lying. I mean, isn't his family tree a little too much?

-

Sammy. Why did you stab Johnny anyways?

  * Have you ever spent time around him when he wasn't trying to be nice?
  * Good point. 
  * I love and respect the decision to kill Johnny.



-

Grant, one of your intern skeletons came back again. Could you bring Johnny back so we can all punch him one last time?

  * I still have no idea what you're talking about. 



-

Oh my god, Joey. 

-

I'd ask if Joey sold his soul for that gold desk, but I'm pretty sure he sold his soul for a pebble years ago. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped Homeward, and even then Homeward didn't go too much into it, yes Thomas and Shawn are dating. They got together some time after Part 16 of this.


	26. Part 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to wonder. How many of you are just reading this fic from me and none of my others? I wonder this because a lot of the jokes in this fic are based on stuff from other BATIM works of mine, from other crack fics to my dark/angst fics. I mean, I have almost 150 works of those so I don't expect everyone to read them all but hopefully the lack of context for some of you doesn't effect the jokes its inspired.

I didn’t realize Jack was still alive. 

  * Where is he?
  * In the sewer system. I guess that’s his home now. 



- 

I am quite sure I killed him. I am confused.

  * I feel you, Grant. I killed Sammy and he came back. 
  * Oh, so this means Johnny will be back.
  * Johnny has suffered permadeath. 
  * If he hasn't I'm stuffing him into the pipe organ myself. 



-

I was looking through our official documents, and it was already obvious that Wally was taller than Sammy, but Sammy is barefoot all the time and Wally wears boots. Officially, Sammy is 5'3. Wally is 5'4. 

  * Just one inch taller. Damn. 
  * Sammy looked at the board, and he started crying. 
  * Remember when Sammy was tall and buff as an ink creature? 
  * Fondly. 



-

So, about the amusement park. 

  * NO. I don't care Bertrum Piedmont of all people is willing to design it for us. 
  * I personally think it's a great idea. 
  * Joey. You just want to stare at Mister Piedmont's ass more, don't you. 
  * Yes. 



-

I just saw Sammy refuse coffee. 

  * Well, he did find out Wally had been practically drugging him for a while now. 
  * Sammy was Alright while it lasted. 
  * Imagine being so bad that alcohol is the only thing that makes you a better person.



- 

Norman just went around punching a bunch of people. I think he's mad we kinda hate Sammy. 

  * Were there any survivors? 
  * Like the shelves of a fabric store when Joey can't find what he wants. 
  * Ouch. 



- 

Let me having a sewing kit during office hours again! If I'm no longer doing boss stuff, I should at least be able to do my sewing. 

  * No! 



- 

The fact that Joey makes some of his own clothing makes a lot of sense in hindsight. 

-

Hypothetically, if Henry really is Alice's mother , and he and Joey did have a kid, I'd get outta here faster than Wally when he's told to work overtime. 

  * The amount of alcohol it'd take me to get into bed with Joey could kill even a god.



- 

Speaking of death and killing, I was asking around and it seems aside from the ink thing, every single person in this studio except for Wally has died at least once, and woken right back up. 

  * No afterlife wants us. 
  * Sweet sweet, immortality. 
  * What makes Wally so special? 
  * The universe must have decided the give him a break.
  * A break from what?
  * The same can be said for who has fallen down those stairs. Everyone but Wally.
  * Ban stairs!



-

The elevator has been fixed for a while now. 

  * I saw Thomas inspect it, step away, and turn right back around and use the stairs. I trust his judgement.




	27. Part 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I've been plauging readers with the horrors of The Reinforcement of Agony AU these past few days, here's a update to this instead for everyone.

There's something funny about one of the previous notes. Allison, did Henry tell you of a time he actually died?

  * Yes.
  * I wish somebody had told us that before we used Henry to test the elevator. He's just fine, but failure was in fact a possibility.
  * So what's this about the elevator?
  * Fuck that thing.



-

Sammy had an asthma attack and then had the gull to say he forgot he had asthma.

  * Well, sorry. And I had more pressing matters than remembering I have asthma. 
  * It was both the best and worst thing. Sammy's asthma attack was triggered when his oldest son hugged Joey. 
  * I'm afraid I'll have to disown him now.



-

We all know when Jack has left the sewers. We all know. 

-

Everyone. There's a new shipment of Bendy cut outs on the way. 101 of them.

  * Where did we get the money?
  * I traded Wally's soul for them.
  * You what.



_In a reversal of usual, it was Wally chasing Sammy around with a broom. Another asthma attack ended it pretty soon, but Wally still got a few hits in before then_

-

If we did ever bring the cartoons to life, how would we differentiate from their animal counterparts?

-

Guys, Sammy's ex-wife showed up today, with  _his daughter_. How many damn kids does Sammy have?

  * Just four, I think. 
  * _You think._
  * To be fair, my youngest son is actually my nephew that I adopted.
  * Please say you adopted off of one of your sisters.
  * No, he's Johnny's. 
  * NOPE. 



-

It really would be wonderful to do a bring your kid to work day. 

  * Norman. I know you just want to show off your daughter and I respect that. 
  * Only Norman is allowed a bring your kid to work day. 



- 

Called it! Henry got with the nurse. 

- 

Grandmother Hen has actually been a Grandmother Hen before. Apparently some of the animators have children. 

  * Who allowed them to breed? 



-

Joey's leg has decided bending normally is for chumps. 

  * He should really get that checked. 
  * Says the man who doesn't have an inhaler for something that has triggered twice today. 



-

There's another inspector coming along tomorrow.

  * Ah, another poor soul for Grant to get to. 
  * One of these days someone is going to catch onto the fact that we're horrible. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The asthma joke came from me myself having my asthma act up recently, and me not remembering I have asthma until I'd gone most of the day wondering why I couldn't breath properly. Who would have guessed.


	28. Part 28

I speak cat not dog!

  * Context?
  * Boris wanted something and Sammy tried his best. 
  * And we all know Sammy can speak cat. 



-

Speaking of, Sammy. What does Bendy think of me?

  * Hi Joey. He thinks you're a bitch.
  * Liar.



-

Henry, Thomas. I love and respect your cousin.

  * Yes, Lacie is very impressive.
  * I fear her.



-

Is Joey still trying to convince Henry to have a kid with him or is that old news? 

  * Very much still going on. 
  * Henry. I'll pray for you. 
  * Why?



-

Joey tried magic again.

  * Did he fail?
  * Yes. 



-

Grant didn't show up today. 

Grant must be preparing to harvest us all for our sins. 

  * It's always someone. Every week. 



-

You're not going to believe this. The animators actually did work. 

  * Huh. I guess that means we should probably start talking about the new episodes online to gain some interest. 
  * And maybe piss off a mommy blogger or two. 
  * We're wonderful like that. 



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My version of Lacie is in fact a cousin to both Thomas and Henry. The first thing was inspired by adobe-outdesign's blog on Tumblr. The other is because I've been using Bendtsen as my last name for Henry for too long to change it just because Lacie has the last name Benton. My reasoning is that Benton could be a sort of Americanization of Bendtsen in this context. Henry and Lacie are distant cousins.


	29. Part 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ye.

I like how both Norman and Sammy look like they've both at least once been in a dark alley, on their knees, and left with money, but each with different happenings. 

  * Joey is also valid here. 



-

Hey, Henry. You're aware of alternative universes, right? 

  * Yes. 
  * Is the reason you look so freaked out whenever Joey brings up children because you do have a kid together in at least one of those universes?
  * Yes.
  * HENRY THAT MEANS IT'S MEANT TO BE, GODDAMMIT. 



-

Why does my son like Josephine Fucking Andrews.

  * Rude. I'll have you know my middle name is Allen. 



-

Grant is dead. 

  * Oh no.
  * I'm sure he'll be back. 
  * How did he die?
  * Police report still hasn't gone through.
  * Ah. Since we have no police force in town I guess it's gone to the void.
  * Don't worry, I just talked to my pal. He's out of a job now. Grant took over. 



-

I'd be concerned that Wally is pals with the devil. But I just find it funny that I swear Hell isn't a part of Jewish faith or something, and Grant took it over, and Wally is friends with the former ruler of hell. Is that allowed. 

  * Well, Henry has a known connection to the Norse god Loki. Nothing is fake. 
  * To be fair, Wally's an atheist these days. 
  * And Grant ate people. 
  * Nothing is real. 



-

Anyone who can get me a non-lewd picture of Sammy's tramp-stamp gets 100 bucks. 

  * Ah, I see Joey was down an alley last night/before work. 
  * No. My sister doesn't believe that he has one. She paid me to get a picture. 
  * Your twin sister or one of the other ones? 
  * One of the other ones. That's why I need non-lewd pictures. She won't get the satisfaction of lewd. I hate her.
  * Couldn't you just not show her anything? 
  * I do not have a tramp stamp. 
  * My new cash in of 100 bucks says otherwise.



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the joke might need some context, Henry's knowledge of alternative universes comes from [Too Many Henrys](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886761), which is canon to this but none of my other fics. Henry and Joey raise a kid, Bendy, together in my series [Cold](https://archiveofourown.org/series/914457) and have a biological kid in my series Lucky, but since Lucky is kinda nothing good, I won't bother linking to that.


	30. Part 30

So I was out taking Boris for a walk, and Joey invited himself along. Along the way we met this woman, and she started chatting up, and then flirting with Joey because I guess he could be called attractive. Well, Joey actually started flirting back. Very well actually. I'm saving a few of his lines for myself later.  It was at this point I realized he was very drunk, but was trying to hide it. Not very well since he was was flirting with a woman, which gave away his gay ass quite well. He got her number and everything! After she left, I think he fully comprehended what had just happened. And he blue screened. Kinda just froze. 

  * Joey.exe has stopped working.
  * Can we reboot him with a better operating system.
  * Some computer jarble, I don’t know.



-

You ever see Wally do something, and think "Hey, maybe he isn't a dumb idiot child!" and then like fate he immediately does something that proves he is?

  * What happened this time? 
  * Proved yet again why he's not supposed to drink coffee. 
  * Another coffee coma? Really? 
  * No, just kinda bouncing on the walls. 
  * Yes, but he's our dumb idiot child.



-

I just witnessed Sammy telling Wally more ways to remove blood. 

  * So now Wally can remove the more stubborn blood stains around here? 
  * Great!
  * I didn't even know one of them and I've been having to clean up blood for years now. 
  * Susie. I'd say you seem too sweet to be dangerous like that, but then again you were pretty crazy as an ink monster. 



-

The Henry cult has gotten so boring lately! Come one, do something!

  * But not that.
  * They took it as a challenge. 
  * I'm so glad Grant is no longer with us. He'd die on the spot. Again. 
  * I still don't know how to feel about the fact that Grant was in the very exact place a giant meteorite would fall. This isn't a Sims game.
  * But was it an epic way to go? Yes.



-

I still find it hilarious that Sammy understands and speaks perfect cat. How? Why? But also why not?

-

Henry destroyed a Bendy cutout. 

  * Not again.
  * I wasn't drunk this time. 
  * It doesn't justify murder, you bitch!



-

I just found the ol' Magic 8 Ball. It has been smashed to pieces. How dare you. 

 


	31. Part 31

It seems Henry recalled he was Wally's kinda dad, because I just saw him confronting Wally's boyfriend about there being any 'funny business' between them. The kid just kinda looked at him weird, and then it dawned on him. He actually said "To be honest, I forgot that was a thing, sir. And I think I will continue to forget because I like how things are!" In conclusion, I'd like to formally say that while I think Sammy is a real piece of work, at least his kid is a dork. 

  * What wonderful information. 
  * I'm having mixed feelings about this note.
  * Of course you are Sammy.



-

I wonder how much money's worth in paper and sticky notes we waste posting useless shit on this board. 

  * I don't even remember what the original purpose of the cork board was. 



- 

I'm glad we can now say we summoned Grant from the depths of hell with our nonsense. 

  * It's fun. I liked that he managed to give us a lecture on our waste while also admitting he contributed to the problem. 
  * Bitches really do get stitches. 



-

Speaking of, I personally relieve Joey of his sewing at work ban. 

  * WHY?
  * I need help sewing all these dolls so we have examples for when we find a company to mass produce them. If not, so I can make a bunch. 
  * What does Joey do around here anyways now that he's not the boss?
  * Absolutely nothing. 



-

What do you think Grant would do if we delivered him our financial stuff?

  * Make the tortured souls down in Hell do them?
  * Oh god. 
  * Remind me to go to the Underworld when I finally die for good. 
  * Do we have a choice in that? I do agree though. 



-

Pals, God himself personally came down to introduce himself to me. Said that since I was aware that all gods and mythology are true, I should at least change my official stance on being an atheist, even though I don't have to worship Him or any of the other gods. Especially seeing as I'm pals with the devil. I told God that was cool, and told him to have a nice day. 

  * So you'll still say you're an atheist then?
  * Yep. 



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun, fun, fun. 
> 
> Anyone who keeps up with all the stories in The Reinforcement of Agony AU already know Sammy's oldest son is a dork, but I thought i'd confirm it here too for those that don't know.


	32. Part 32

What does it say about other people when Joey can tear up an isle looking for something, but take the time to put everything back, remember where everything goes, and generally be pleasant with the retail workers? 

  * Aside from the fact that it's one thing to be a morally fucked witch, it's another to be as fucked as someone who's mean to people just doing their non-evil job?
  * I once shopped with him and he corrected someone on that whole 'oh, they're paid to clean up messes' bullshit. 
  * Joey worked in retail for a few months when he was younger. 
  * That would do it. 
  * He also punched another customer when she looked funny and glare-y at a him for being a 6'6 man in pigtails. 
  * To be fair, he does rock that look. 



-

I now got all the supplies I need to make the example toys! Joey was helpful there. 

  * 'Joey was helpful' is a not often spoken or written phrase. 



-

Wally, now that you're eighteen, I just have to wonder if you ever got The Talk. Can't go into ~~adulthood~~  still dumb idiot child-hood without it. 

  * Well, Henry tried. Sammy gave The Talk to me one time when he was drunk and was surprisingly informative. I also have the internet. 



-

I'd say I'm not Qu-Wally-fied to be an adult, but I'm gonna try, pals!

-

Wally. I just hope you know that even if you don't end up marrying my son, you'll still be like a son to me. 

  * You know when Sammy is impressed with your puns and word play, you've made it.
  * I'm still not over most of those damn stupid things he brought up. 
  * This is why we're banned from bringing them up. 
  * And why I got banned from making puns. Truly you don't appreciate my craft.



-

So, since enough of the animation is done, we should probably start the voice acting. 

  * Hey. Was the music and sound department ever repaired? 



-

Now that we're waiting on the repairs, maybe we can all put some effort towards merchandise. To promote our eventual new episodes. Anybody got any useful skills?

  * Around here? Unlikely.



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first note was inspired by my own experience in retail, a long time ago, and also the time recently where I had to tell my grandmother that cleaning up customer's messes and discarded items was actually a distraction from what I was paid to do, and it was extremely rude as a customer to leave a mess.


	33. Part 33

Why is Sammy crying in his office this time?

  * Grant kicked me out of hell.
  * Hi Johnny. 



-

Henry just came around, grabbed Johnny from the standoff he was having with Joey, and tossed him into the sewers. 

  * He's where he belongs now. With his own kind. 
  * And Jack too. 
  * I still want my damn fiddle back. 



-

So, why are most people not speaking English or at all today (but writing it and otherwise doing fine). I came here to collect all the financial records as suggested torture and kick Mister Lawrence back onto this plane of existence, not to not understand anyone. Business as usual, but..

  * Joey screwed up magic. Nobody can speak English until the spell wears off. So everyone has defaulted to speaking any other language they know, or been forced to shut up.
  * It almost feel like this was secretly a ploy to shut Wally up for once. 
  * Failed, because Wally knows, oddly enough, more than just demon summing Latin. 
  * Joey has been tearfully yelling at Henry for the last hour in what I can assume is Portuguese. I don't know what hellish dead language Henry was speaking back at him but I think he called Joey a bitch. 



-

Henry since we can't understand each other today verbally, I just want to say I still love you every though I am seeing other people occasionally. 

  * Joey, you're still a bitch. 
  * Hey, I was right! 



-

So someone hauled the meteorite that killed Grant into the park area. Explain.

  * In this studio, we love and appreciate the thing that finally put Grant out of his misery/insanity, and gave him the power he deserved. 




	34. Part 34

Henry is crying and Joey looks like he's just had the best damn day of his life. 

  * They got married. 
  * WHY
  * Some contract Joey needed to fulfill, and they were also both drunk. 
  * God help us all. 



-

God said He's not going to help. 

  * Let's ask one of Henry's relatives then. 
  * Oh yes, like "Hi Mister Loki. I love your red locks of hair and your Loki-ness that is not truly captured by Marvel's version. So, Henry's in a bit of an issue here."
  * No, Clearly we need to talk to Henry's mother.



-

If you can find my mother I'd actually like that a lot, but don't worry everyone. I plan to get a divorce soon enough.

  * Henry why do you keep breaking my heart. 



-

So, I'm willing to pay a cash reward to whoever can find out who broke the Magic 8 Ball. 

-

Why do we kill so many people?

  * For comedy. 



-

Henry is riding Boris around, waving an axe, and yelling. Why. 

  * Asserting his dominance in his new marriage I'm sure. 
  * At least we know for sure now that Henry is some sort of god. 



-

While talking to Wally about the possibility of Henry and Joey having kids in their marriage, we got into a fight, and I'm just writing this down here to say that Wally and I are taking a bet (not telling) and if he loses, he has to name his never to exist first born/adopted after me.

  * How did this end, if it did?
  * Wally lost, but Sammy got tied to a flag pole so maybe Wally's the true winner here. 



-

Hey, Sammy, with me married to Henry, and you broken up with Susie, who's your current person of interest?

  * Your mom. 
  * Low blow, Sammy. 
  * That's what your mom said. 



-

Remember how I said I was only fine with Alice's chicks as long as they were chickens? I AM NOT OKAY WITH  _THIS_.

 

 


	35. Part 35

Vacuum cleaners are biphobic. 

  * Wally, care to explain this note?
  * I'm bi, and the vacuum clear sucked up my hair and now I got a weird clump stuck like that.
  * Why was the vacuum near your hair?
  * I had a bug on my face and I thought I could suck it up with the vacuum. 



-

To be fair, didn't a vacuum cleaner once come to life and chase after Johnny?

-

So, Norman. Sammy has cleaned up nicely. How did you get him to wash himself more?

  * Well, after much arguing and fighting...I bought him a bunch of cheap bath toys and shower crayons to amuse himself with. 
  * We're so proud of you Norman. Our noses thank you. 



- 

Henry. I got to ask, and I'm asking on the board because I think everyone wants to know the answer. Is Alice your actual daughter. Did you lay an egg.

  * No comment. 
  * Dammit Henry.



-

Joey and I have chosen to adopt. 

  * No. What happened is that Henry bought a potted plant and said it's now ours to raise. I mean, I've already got the plant in the sun and freshly watered, but that's not adopting, Henry!



-

Alice's brood is kinda cute once you get over the fact that they're horrifying. 

  * You only say that because none of them bit you. 
  * Henry looks like such a proud grandmother. 



-

I have fond memories of 'What I Wouldn't Do To Not Work For Joey Drew.' A great song that no longer applies. Because we are free. 

-

Joey, Sammy might not have slept with your mother, but I did. 

  * Johnny?! :(



-

Thanks Joey. 

- 

I told Sammy he could finally come out of his office because Johnny's dead again, and he was so happy. 

  * What did Sammy even stab Johnny for before anyways? We never got an exact answer.
  * He found out what Johnny said to Joey about the animals when they were missing. 
  * That was a joke too far, so I agree. Stab the bitch. 



-

Henry does not seem bothered by Johnny's deaths. Weren't you two dating?

  * We were?



-

Can someone please explain why I'm seeing two Wallys but one is buffer, older, and wearing an eye patch. 

  * I came from the future. And you're not gonna believe what I have to say. 




	36. Part 36

So, after some comparisons, the older Wally is from a slightly alternative future universe, but seems close enough to our universe.

  * Dear god. There's more of us at our worse. Don't let Grant know.



-

Older Wally, how do you know that this isn't your universe and you're not messing with the timeline?

  * Aside from no confusing paradoxes occurring as I write, and the other little differences, the simple answer is mini-me remembered his birth control pills, I didn't.
  * Oh thank God you're not quite our Wally.
  * Your poor kid.
  * I had two more kids after that fuck up, too. It was weird.
  * :(



-

For all your information, when I was 20 I got diagnosed with ADHD like Sammy has so that's why I was a dumb idiot child. I have now suggested to my counterpart that like me, he too should charge money/favors for the right to still call him a dumb idiot child.

_Wally cashed in on that right away._

-

So future Wally, tell us more about you.

  * Well, I'm Walter Lawrence now, married to a cat furry, with three kids with him for various reasons, and we both own our own businesses. 
  * HOW?
  * Well, long story but it involves pancakes. 
  * Doesn't every tragic thing start with pancakes?



-

Sammy. Your son is a furry?

  * Yes.



-

Speaking of, my dear cat furry son, I hope you will look out for your siblings while I'm gone. For like, a week at most? That's the record for how long one of us has stayed dead, right. Not including that month we were in studio hell.

  * Why are you gonna be dead, Sammy?
  * Well, see when I was sleeping with Joey's sister a bit ago, the condom broke. And the pregnancy test she did today came back positive. Joey will kill me. 
  * YOU WERE WHAT?!
  * Congrats, Uncle Joey. 



 -

 Sammy left this world, middle fingers raised. 

  * He'll be back, raised once more. 



-

I just saw Joey's sister yeet him. 

  * Like the legends foretold. 



-

Walter, why are you here anyways?  


  * I came to stop Henry from smashing the magic 8 ball, but came far too late. 
  * Really
  * No I actually just got lost.
  * Only you could do that and not surprise me.



-

I for one am fine with having two Wallys around.

  * Are you alright?
  * No.



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sammy's oldest son being a furry is a nod on the fact that his ink creature design in The Reinforcement Of Agony AU is a cat. A couple stuff here actually is based off that AU, per usual. Like, one character in that AU died after eating pancakes. No joke.
> 
> Joey's either gonna have to move out of his sister's house, or compete for her attention with a baby on the way. Tough choice, Mister Drew.


End file.
